Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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