Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
