I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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