she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
