you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
