Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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