do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
