don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Im part way to drunk.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
