We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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