I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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