Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
accomplished twins. life is a go
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
