Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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