Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
