So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
