It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
