i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
