I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
