I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
