so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
