I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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