i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
