She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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