This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think i have two assholes
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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