I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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