I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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