I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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