You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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