im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
