remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
