Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
