He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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