all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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