they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
