he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
