Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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