Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
