have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
