Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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