sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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