so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
tell me about the fingering
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