so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
