I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
