I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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