Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
