P.S. I can't hear my feet
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
