frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
