also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
