Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
