why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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