I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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