haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
