I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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