WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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