Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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