You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
