He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
