Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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