Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
