apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
