i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
