he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
