you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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