that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
either way he was missing a nipple.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
