I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
